I have been rather restless as of late. All these stressors have gotten to me, true, but as I peel away the layers, I discover something different at the core. It is scary yet oddly comforting at the same time.
This newly discovered core is really not so new. I have a habit of putting my wants, needs, desires, dreams on the back burner while in pursuit of another’s goals and desires. I do the typical mother thing by putting others before myself. This is all well and good, normally, but it must be monitored. It must not take over one’s entire life.
When in an airplane, we are instructed to put our oxygen mask on first, before helping anyone else. I have forgotten my own oxygen altogether.
Lately I have been very restless. My goals and needs are not being met.
I thought at first maybe it was all the turmoil with Ken and Trevor both needing surgery, and me being caught in the middle as caregiver. I thought it might have to do with our travel plans being postponed, again and again. I thought many things--
--Before I came to a realization. There are things I must do for me. There are things I must do to fulfill a promise I made years ago, to God. His calling calls me again.
So it isn’t really about clutter or space or surgery or finances even. (Though finances are a worry in any situation.) It is about me working toward my life’s goals. It is about me going back to school and serving and caring for others.
And herein lies the problem: I need to talk to Ken about this and I do not know if he will hear me or poo-poo me. I don’t know how he might feel about traveling less than full time. Still travel, but not constantly. Vacations and snow-birding.
Pray for us, please, that I can make him understand how important my mission is to me and please also pray that I might find a way to carry out my mission.
Thank you for listening, and bless you.