Heavenly Joy

There are times in our lives when nothing seems to go right. There are also times when it seems nothing can go wrong. We have all had both kinds of days. When we are in the former, our psyche, our very soul, seems to get beaten down by all the pressures, stresses, and negatives of life.

Then there are those days when all goes joyously far beyond our wildest  dreams and expectations. These are the days we all crave. We get a sort of high. Our smiles become contagious, and we cannot help but be good to one another, just for the shear pleasure of seeing another person smile.

I crave these days just as much as the next person, but with my illness, I oftentimes must work the process in reverse. My days don’t often go beyond my wildest dreams (though sometimes they do), yet I can still feel that rush, that soul healing joy I desperately crave, by first giving and smiling and loving on others.

This is one of the secrets to my joy. Listen closely, now. It lightens the burden on my soul when I give freely of my worldly, oftentimes cherished, belongings.

Have I lost you? Let me elaborate. My physical being is a mess. I have Lyme disease, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, adrenal fatigue, arthritis, migraines, blah, blah, blah. The list goes on and on, unfortunately. Needless to say, I am in constant pain, and this state of constant pain puts a damper on my naturally good mood.

But the Lord is good. He has shown me how to find bits of joy amongst my pain, interspersed with my tears.

Best of all, He has shown me how to get a booster shot when I need it, to energize and heal my soul. It is as simple as giving. Donating. Even tithing (and now I hear a bunch of non-church-goers going, “ugh”). It does my soul good, knowing that something I am able to give can do so much good in someone else’s life.

Ken took a load of building supplies to the Habitat Restore Store this morning.

My heart swelled, and so did his.

Ken took an equally large load to the Salvation Army thrift store.

His smile threatened to push his ears clean off his face, as his mood soared. And mine did, too.

Even with two truckloads gone, we still had a lot to make decisions on. Then I remembered freecycle. It is a yahoo group here in the Portland area. I imagine there might be more chapters around the country. It is worth checking out. We gave away some large ticket items that we simply could not sell. Ken said he would haul them to the appropriate places for donation, but I was feeling so good, soul-wise, at this point that I suggested we list them on freecycle. Within an hour, the first large item was gone, the second is pending pickup tomorrow, and the third, well I’m waiting to hear back as to when she wants to pick it up.

My joy is overwhelming today, even though my body is riddled with pain and my stress level is through the roof.

My stress is so high because we have only a few days left here in Portland before we hit the road, and we have a ton of work to do still. Having access to this “heavenly joy” will allow me to keep on, minute by minute, keeping faith that God will get us over this hurdle. It will allow me to do what little I can to help, with a smile on my face, instead of tears and heartache for all that I cannot physically do.

I wish you this level of joy. I pray that you have instances in your life where the “pay it forward” system of living and giving will touch your heart and your soul with an over abundance of joy and gratitude.

I had a season of being on the receiving end more often than not over the past year or two, and the receiving also blossomed into wondrous joy, as I realized that others did care and did want to help this tired old soul. They lifted me up with a box of apples, boxes of pears, green beans, a car for our use for three months without charge, a hug and friendship when I needed it most, a bouquet of flowers from a neighbor for “no reason,” many homemade meals delivered hot and ready to eat, and so many other large and small blessings.

I am grateful for all the blessings we have received. And I am grateful for every one of you.

Jenni

When It Rains

It pours.

Sometimes life can become a bit overwhelming. Stressors can pile up without older ones being cleared away first. When these stressors build up in a chronically ill person, or even a well person for that matter, the immune system becomes compromised. In my case, having chronic Lyme, all my stressors have caused a bit of a relapse, with more migraines and pain, plus more fatigue.

My main goal this month is to reduce my stress level; however, December has never been what one might call an optimum month for my mental health status. Long story short, I do not like this Season of Joy, as it has been called.

My best friend reminded me last night that all these things I am stressing and worrying about, I can do nothing about them.  I am still taking on everyone else’s problems despite my efforts not to do just that. Besides, those I might be able to change, the desired result is a long way off. In short, stop worrying. Let go.

If I would actually like to have a Season of Joy this year and have less stress weighing on me, then I need to seek that which I desire.

Add more joy. Daily.

And take each problem as it comes, examine it as to whether it is worth my time and energy, seek solutions if within my power, then let it go.

I can look at the entire storm raging around me, angry winds stripping the trees and rain pouring down.

Or I can look at a single droplet of rain, a single moment in time.

I can choose how I see things.

I can choose whether I react or respond.

This last raindrop picture is untouched except for cropping. I like to think it is God sending me a smiley face.

Have a joyous day. And thank you to all who have been praying for us.

Break Time

It has been a very busy week. Very busy indeed. And as such, this post will seem to be behind the times; for the busier I get, the behinder my writing falls.

This year for Halloween, we decided to join in the fun at our church (Mountainview Christian Church) by participating in Trunk or Treat. It was great fun. Our theme was the 50s and I had made a juke box and decorated the car a bit, too. Then someone asked if I was Julia Child. My intention was simply “50s mom,” but I liked the idea of being Julia Child, so I decided to let it stick. I believe we must give credit where credit is due, and as such, credit for the Julia Child idea goes to an anonymous parent. Thank you.

Some of the other entrants were absolutely amazing. A lot of time and thought had to have gone into each one. My friends, Tim and Kristina, did an awesome job remaking Alice in Wonderland. Though, this really isn’t any wonder, knowing that Kristina is such an amazing artist to begin with. You can check out her paintings on Etsy.

The only problem with having made the decision to do Trunk or Treat was that I was also preparing for a bazaar on November 3rd, which I had had only a few days’ notice in which to get my stuff together. I was cramming to get products made, and I was cramming to get costumes pulled together. Meanwhile, I was also cramming to get my homework done for my Friday night class at Renew. And, I had also made the decision to go see my dad in the midst of all this chaotic busy-ness.

And of course, right in the middle of it all, I worked myself into a physical setback by trying too hard and doing too much.

When we arrived home on Saturday evening, after having spent the entire day working at the bazaar, my legs gave out as I climbed the steps onto the porch. From there, it was all downhill. I slept, or rather I was in bed, delirious with pain and exhaustion, for the next 36 hours.

This morning found me slightly better, well enough to focus my mind on this simple task, at least. I could easily sleep another full day or two away, if it weren’t for my pesky drive. I cannot remain idle for too long. I feel guilty if I let things slide, or if I depend on others to do for me. I have always tried to hide my pain and my exhaustion from the world, but I can no longer hide what is so prevalent in my life. Unfortunately, all this guilt and hiding and unrelenting pain leads to a vicious cycle of try and fail and try and fail again, when my body cannot keep up with my drive and desire.

Putting a positive spin on it, however, I had a great week. I had a blast putting together costumes and seeing all those little kids dressed up. I had a wonderful lunch with my father and my son, three generations, having good conversation and laughter. I thoroughly enjoyed the creation process as I feverishly worked to make enough hats for the bazaar. During the bazaar, I enjoyed talking with many people whom I had not seen in a long while. And I really enjoyed seeing my photos and my creations displayed for sale.

Creative Challenge

I occasionally stumble around the internet, browsing my various interests. Occasionally I find a great blog and stay awhile.

A few of the artistic bloggers mentioned that they had challenged themselves to 100 paintings in 100 days. I thought, “Ugh, I could never do that, not with my lack of discipline.” Plus there’s the fact that many days, I just don’t feel up to doing much at all because of my illness. Well, ugh be gone.

I have taken up just that challenge. I need to get my drawing and painting skills back up to par. Too many years have passed since I took my craft seriously.

Not everything comes back as easily as riding a bicycle, though, I wish it did.

I took up the challenge about a week ago, and I have actually painted or drawn at least two a day, but I will only share the best ones. Some are just awful, as with any artist as they hone their craft. Nobody’s perfect. These are just photos of my paintings, for now. I will scan in the best ones at a later date.

This is one of the first ones, which I will be putting on children’s products over at Cafepress in my store. More on all that excitement later.

This is another one from early in the week. I have decided that she will be redone as a mermaid.

“Dam!” This is another one that will end up on Cafepress, but I will probably redo it so that it is bolder.

“Sunset Sail”

“Cecelia in Hiding”

“Angel Mine”

Some of the colors are not showing up as well as I would like, but you get the idea about how I am doing in my challenge.

Technology, the boon and the bane of our existence. Go figure.

The mediums I chose for this past week were oil pastels and watercolors, often using both on the same painting.

Thank you for looking. I appreciate my readers, one and all.

Fire!

When my group leader informed me that he was ill and would be cancelling tonight’s class, my body got the message before my brain did. My body said, “Wow, I don’t have to go anywhere tonight. It’s time to shut down.” And shut down it did.

Since Ken’s surgery (and even before) I have been pushing myself to the brink of exhaustion almost every day. With adrenal fatigue, that’s easy enough to do just in a normal day’s routine, but I have been pushing way past and more or less hurting myself in the process. I have been unable to sleep much at all this past week because of all the pain I have been in, with running all the errands and to appointments and cooking and cleaning. (I know, quit whining.)

The topper, though, was yesterday when some prospective buyers came by to look the place over. I tried my best to get it all spiffy beforehand, but I still felt I did an inadequate job of it, but that is partly due to all the junk we still need to offload and the overall lack of storage space.

Back to my body shutting down: I figured I might just lie down for a few minutes, rest my weariness. Ken tried to get me up. He wanted me to either go for a walk with him or to just go outside and take advantage of the beautiful day. I could barely lift my arm to wave him off, while I slurred, “leave me be.” He could have yelled “fire!” but I don’t think I could have gotten up even then.

He was not happy that I was “wasting another day” in bed, but then again, he has never really understood my levels of fatigue. It is like when you have the flu and you are all achy and can barely move. Only mine doesn’t nicely disappear after a week or two of misery. It sticks around, waxing and waning to a certain degree, but always there. Always dampening my plans and squashing the best of my intentions. It sucks. (Sorry.)

So, after my three-hour snooze-fest, I feel much better. I was able to finish making dinner, which I had started earlier. At least I had gotten the prawns marinating before collapsing into bed. I added some leftover homemade Spanish rice from yesterday’s dinner and some steamed carrots, and we had ourselves a righteously fabulous meal outside in this beautiful weather.

My only disappointment is that the three kinds of chocolatey goodness I made for our RENEW dessert potluck yesterday did not make it to the church tonight. It’s just another example of my best of intentions going awry. Oh well, I am sure Trevor will be happy to gobble them down instead.

As a special bonus, here’s some flowers from our yard.

And a lazy little assist dog . . . (Tink fell asleep on the arm of the chair and then proceeded to slide onto Ken’s lap, which is better than her usual stunt—falling off the arm and onto the floor!)

(Wo)Man Up

Oh man, I feel like I am the one who went through surgery.

After a grueling day (Tuesday) of appointments, errands, and grocery shopping to prepare for Ken’s downtime following surgery, and then sitting at the hospital all day (Wednesday), I guess it was no wonder my body gave out yesterday (Thursday).

Luckily, Trevor came home early from work last night, because I was ready for bed by six, without having eaten much. Lucky also for Ken’s sake that Trevor can fix simple foods.

Speaking of Trevor, I happened to mention to him after getting home from the hospital that I would need him to help watch over Ken for a few days. Ken kind of scowled at the thought of needing a babysitter. But Trevor cracked up when I said, “Hey, the doctor said you have to have a responsible adult with you at all times for at least the first few days.”

Oh, how the tables have turned.

Tonight, if I feel up to it, I will venture out for my church stuff, and I can do that without guilt because a good friend has offered to “babysit.” He may grump, but I know Ken loves to be pampered.

As for me, I have to buck up and take on more responsibility than I have had to in the recent past. I too like to be pampered, and Ken and Trevor spoil me rotten all too often, but now it is not my turn.

Another thing I need to do is learn to accept the help that has been so generously offered—by our friends, our neighbors, our church family. I need to whip out my calendar, and say, “yes, please, dinner for Saturday would be great.”

After all, I am not alone in this journey. God gave us others to help carry our burdens. We only need to reach out our hand.

Our assist dog, Tinker Belle, hard at work. Check out the latest hospital-to-home fashions.

Caddy Sighting

Since yesterday was such an exhausting day, with all that walking about, we decided to do our sightseeing mostly by car today. That is, after we walked down to Fisherman’s Wharf first. Had to stretch our legs, don’t ya know. It was an absolutely beautiful day, blue skies and just a slight chill on the breeze, just enough to keep a person humble, I’d say, (not to mention fully clothed).

If you cannot quite make out the sign above the opening in the fencing, it says, “Paddler’s pick up window.” What will they think of next?

Three harbor seals came right up to the dock, looking for handouts. This one even twirled around in the water for a tasty fish.

After leaving Fisherman’s Wharf, we walked back to our hotel and jumped in the car to drive the scenic beach route.

There was tons of interesting driftwood, large and small—and a few driftwood shelters, too.

And then we finally found Gyro Park and the infamous sea creatures.

My silly hubby was goofing around and got stuck in the octopus. Too funny watching him try to get out, as the bottom was rounded and covered in sand.

What’s that off in the distance? Why, it’s Caddy!

Caddy is purported to be the Canadian cousin of the Loch Ness Monster, formally known as cadborosaurus.

Our day ended with a soak in the hot tub, a beautiful sunset, and a bowl of corn flakes, because neither of us had enough energy to cook, nor did we want to get dressed and venture out again. All in all, it was another fabulous day.

The breakfast dinner of champions tired travellers.